


It's Been A Long Time: A Reunion Story

by Jacie_popslash (Jacie)



Series: PopSlash: The Reunion Series [1]
Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-11-03
Updated: 2007-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 17:18:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1907370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacie/pseuds/Jacie_popslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance reminisces on a flight back to Orlando for their 20 year anniversary tour, where he intends to divulge his true feelings to JC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Posted to AO3 06 July 2014
> 
> Includes lyrics by Lennon/McCartney and JC Chasez
> 
> _It’s been a long time, now I’m coming back home  
>  I’ve been away now, oh how I’ve been alone  
> Wait until I come back to your side,   
> We’ll forget the tears we’ve cried_

Trying to relax on the airplane, I think about the last time I was this nervous. I know I shouldn’t drink, but I eye the flight attendant longingly, until she stops by and asks what I’d like. 

“Jack and Coke,” I reply. 

The words come out automatically. I don’t mean them. I don’t need a drink, don’t want a drink. I thought I could let it sit there and not drink it, but I drink it anyway. Then I order another one, with a sigh. I wish Joey was with me on the flight, because Joey is my rock, my strength. I feel crippled without him. Sometimes.

So I’m back to writing. Out of boredom mostly. But I know this reunion is something. Will be something. Something important. When we first hit it big, I thought they’d make a movie about us one day. I started writing when I got my first laptop. The guys made fun of me for taking it everywhere, but I wanted to remember our story right. I did it for me, but I did it for them, too. I wanted a correct record of our lives together with the group, throughout our recording and touring. 

But I stopped writing when it looked like it was over. I remember shutting the laptop down after the last entry. I opened it again for business of course, but not for my journal. That file seemed closed forever. It’s been years. 

Now we’ve been called back to where it all started. This morning I boarded my flight in Las Vegas. In a few hours, I’ll be back in Orlando again. It’ll be the first time I’ve been in Orlando in maybe ten years. I wonder why it’s been so long. It was once my home. And his home. The closer I get, the more my hands shake and my mouth goes dry. I can’t imagine singing like this. My knees feel weak. We’re due in for rehearsals for the big reunion tour and I can’t imagine any of us dancing the way we did back then. We were all so much younger.

I feel sixteen again, mentally anyway. Closing my eyes I can remember my first flight to Orlando. It wasn’t in first class though and my mom was there beside me. I felt nervous, but wouldn’t admit that to anyone, except my mom. I’d heard of JC and Justin before and I couldn’t believe they wanted me in the same group.

I still have a couple hours left in the flight, so I have time to reminisce.

Justin embraced me back then, from the first day. I remember our moms chatting away and he stepped forward and took my hand, leading me away. Even back then, the boy sparkled. He was fourteen and I was sixteen. I think Joey was eighteen then, JC nineteen and Chris was already twenty-four. Twenty years ago and it seems like yesterday. Back then, I think Justin was just happy to have another minor in the group. Apparently the others gave him a lot of crap for being so young. He didn’t take that crap for long. Justin seemed to mature early on and had great natural instincts plus a drive to succeed above all else. I loved watching him. He demanded a lot of himself and he demanded a lot of us as well. We all played around back then, but of the group, it seemed like Justin and I were the two most serious about everything. He took the music seriously. Our music had to be perfect as did our stage performance. Justin pushed us harder on stage than anyone else. 

Justin was the first one I confided in. We roomed together in Germany, so we talked a lot. Chris and Joey had bought us some booze one night before they went out clubbing with JC. Justin and I were supposed to be studying, but we got drunk instead. Sprawled together across his bed, we let our legs bump and tangle as we chatted and drank. I remember a lot of laughing. Neither of us were used to drinking back then. 

Sparkling blue eyes would stare at me. Sometimes he’d reached out and touch my face or run his fingers through my hair and tell me I should bleach it lighter. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday.

“I’m going to bleach mine,” he’d said. Then he’d told me, “You’re so lucky to have straight hair. Curly hair sucks. It’s so gay.”

“Justin, I think I am gay,” I confided in him. “I like guys.”

Crinkling his nose, Justin replied, “It’s just that you’re with us all the time. We’re about the only people you’re exposed to. Do you have a crush on one of us?”

Blushing, I’d turned away from him. “I think JC is really cute.”

“JC? Really? I thought you were going to tell me you had a crush on me! How can you be gay and not have a crush on me?” His foot knocked against mine playfully.

“I don’t know. I just have a feeling. And JC is, he’s really cute and talented.”

“And I’m not?”

“Of course you are.”

“I know.”

Justin was never modest. So we talked about it a few times and he never minded that I was gay, although I don’t think he believed it at first. He probably thought I was only confused and I’d eventually start liking girls at some point. But it was always JC.

But that’s the thing with Justin anyway. It’s all about him. This reunion is all about him. If he hadn’t wanted it, it never would have happened. He’s just missing the spotlight. Thinking back on his feuds with the paparazzi, I wonder if he misses them too. The truth is, after we stopped touring and went onto our unending hiatus, Justin recorded his CD and was successful. Then he went into acting, and was successful. Then there was another CD and more acting. And another CD and more acting. Then he began to slip away. I’m sure he was horrified when he slipped off the A list. Joey and Chris were booted off the A list almost as soon as we were off our last tour. I schmoozed enough to stay on the A list for a long while. I did anything they threw at me, any gig to keep me in the spotlight.

The whole reunion thing was dreamed up by Justin and his people to put him back into the spotlight. He was going to do it with or without us. Either way, he was taking four other guys on tour and singing our old hits. This may be his last chance at stardom again, before he sinks into the black cauldron of has beens for all eternity.

I don’t remember when it was exactly, but Justin did eventually accept that I was truly gay. He really doesn’t have an issue with gayness, but he didn’t want it in the group. He was afraid it would ruin our precious squeaky clean image, so he made me promise to keep it a secret. Actually, he made me promise to keep it just between us from the start, but later on he became more serious about it, taking me aside and telling me I’d ruin everything the five of us worked so hard for, if it ever got out.

I kept my secret for a long time, for him. For us. I even dated girls. Justin did his best to make sure I had a “girlfriend” most of the time. After he’d met Chris’ girlfriend’s roommate, Danielle, he made them hire her for a video, then freaked out when she and JC hooked up. He put a stop to that and pleaded with Chris and Dani to have Danielle pretend to be my girlfriend. She did for a few months, only because she thought being hooked up with me would help her career, but then she met a guy she really wanted to date and she dumped me. I never even kissed her. Some girlfriend!

Looking back, I think it was Justin’s idea for me and Joey to spend more time together. I guess he thought I could learn about womanizing from Joey, because Joey can successfully flirt up just about any chick he sees. He’s definitely a player.

About the time we were leaving Germany, Justin did his best to force me and Joey together. He was always suggesting that we hang out. I didn’t notice it at the time, but Justin was also pushing JC away from me. He was always dragging JC away so they could write music. Sometimes Chris was allowed to be with them for those sessions, but Joey and I were never invited. I almost cried when Justin first suggested the bus was too crowded and Joey and I should take a second bus, leaving one for the other three so they could spend all their time writing and we wouldn’t bother them. There I was on tour with JC and still couldn’t hardly get within five feet of him except on stage at night. There were nights I truly hated that Justin knew, because I knew it was Justin keeping us apart.

As it turned out, Joey is a great guy and fun to hang out with. He taught me more about sex, women and booze than I ever really cared to know, but he’s just being Joey. He always listened to all my ideas and was supportive of anything I wanted to do. To him, all my ideas were wonderful and feasible. There was no reason I couldn’t be a manager myself, have my own production company, act in a movie and of course, realize my dream of going into space. Joey never said a contrary or discouraging word to me, ever. At least not that I can recall.

We may all be coming back for different reasons, Justin wants one more chance to grab the gold ring. Joey just wants to recapture his youth, another road trip with his best buddies. JC’s back for the music. Chris is somewhere between recapturing his youthful friendships and his love of our music together. I’m coming back for a few reasons. I want to see them all again. I need the money. And I want to see JC again. My heart tells me it’s fate that we’re being brought back together at a time that we’re both single and still looking good.


	2. Part Two

Checking my watch, I can see there’s still over an hour before we touch down in Orlando. Grabbing my earphones, I plug them in and pull up a list of JC’s songs. Leaning back, I close my eyes and relax, letting his voice, his music, his words sink into me until everything in the world is JC. 

Some Girls

Listening to the familiar beat of _Some Girls_ , I smile and wonder how things would have been different if he and I had hooked up. Would he still be thinking and singing about _Some Girls_ , or would it be _Some Boys_? I let my imagination drift to a fabrication of Babylon, the dance club in _Queer As Folks_ , not the city of Biblical times. Anyway, we’re both there, in make-up, tight pants and tight, sleeveless shirts. It’s hot and sweaty and we’re dancing together in the most lascivious ways.

She Got Me

_Came in on a rocket ship  
The middle of the night_

I am so in love with a freak! What is with him and space aliens? I’ll say this though, If he’s wanting to try out a little anti-gravity sex, I’m all for it. I did pass my space training. Maybe the two of us could honeymoon in space together!

_Cause I've been waiting patient for  
A love that's mile high_

I can certainly empathize with that sentiment! Oh JC, how many years have I pined for thee?

100 Ways

_Speak your mind  
Just speak your mind_

The opening lyrics of _100 Ways_ may be the most haunting for me. I think back to our touring days and I wonder, should I have told JC how I felt? How would he have reacted? Would he have accepted my love? Rejected my love? If I have one regret, I think it may be listening to Justin and keeping my secret just between the two of us. I’ve straddled that fence for years wondering how things would have been different.

_Dripped through the hallways cause we started in the shower  
We didn't finish 'til we hit the kitchen counter_

But then again, JC always seemed so much more sexually mature than me. Of course he was, being older. I was just a kid, just sixteen and still very, very much a virgin. Could I have handled him back then? I wanted to. I know I wanted to. Maybe it’s better that we didn’t hook up back then. I don’t think I was truly ready for the full sexual onslaught of JC. But wow! What a teacher he would have been! Hell, I bet he could still teach me plenty!

_Just speak your mind  
Tell me what you like_

I think about what it would be like to be with him. What it would be like to live out all my sexual fantasies. I know he’d be up for it. He’s so free, so experimental. 

_I'll be your Superman  
You play Lois Lane_

Oh, man, how we all love Joey! He’s the best. And yes, oh yes, oh yes, I can so see me and JC dressing up as Clark Kent and Lois Lane. For a Halloween party, you know. I want him undressed when we’re alone!

_Dip you in chocolate  
Even though you taste good plain_

One of my favorite fantasies, JC’s cock dipped in chocolate. Or us covering each other in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, just so we can take our time licking every last drop from each other’s bodies. How many times have I wanted to run my tongue across his abs? If we hooked up, 100 ways would only be the beginning!

Mercy

_It’s like your blood runs through me, baby  
And I can’t get you out of my vein_

The words of _Mercy_ grab me, because I remember feeling like JC was in my blood, coursing through my veins, like an addiction.

_I need mercy It's the insanity eating up the man in me_  
_I need mercy  
All of my fire's, my burning desire's, for you, see_

There were times the feelings were so intense. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through all the years, all the shows, without grabbing him onstage and kissing him right on his perfect lips.

_And it's just so painful to sit here and think about you with them_

What would he have thought if he knew how it hurt me every time he went out with a woman? 

_I need mercy_

How many nights did I sit alone in a hotel room wondering who he was with and what he was doing? And why the hell wasn’t he doing it with me?

_I pray one day that you will be with me, (girl), I would never let you go_

How many time did I pray he would one day be with me? And how many times have I promised God that if JC were ever mine, I would never, ever let him go?

Dear God, I do need mercy. And JC.

Build My World

_Did I fall in love or did I find disaster_

I’ve thought about this line thousands of times. What if I ever did tell JC? What if we did spend one night together? Would he fall in love with me, too, or would I just be another in a lengthy string of one night stands. It breaks my heart to imagine waking up to him with that look on his face, that _it was nice, but been there, done that, time to move on_ look. But is the possibility of something better worth the risk?

_Constantly searching for the love I need to_  
_Build my world around, around_  
_I'll be the lonely one until I find the one_  
_I wanna build my world around_

And I crumble a little more inside each time I hear him sing these words. I feel the same way, the same need to find that one. And how I want to be that one for him. I want it so badly I can taste it. Listening to his songs has strengthened me. I want to tell him. I have to tell him. Let the chips fall where they may.

I declared my sexuality years ago and it didn’t seem to have any negative reaction. I felt so much freer, so much more honest with myself and the world. It was like having a weight lifted from me. JC was so cool about it. He still hugged me in public after that. How I miss feeling his arms around me.

Something Special

_So you wanna come at me?_

Oh yes! And I am. I check my watch again and see it’s less than an hour until I land. Joey is supposed to pick me up. I wish JC would be there, but that won’t happen. I will see him soon enough. And I will go at him, full speed, full hug, cock to cock. Should I kiss him on the cheek? No, that would be too much. We are Boy Banders, we hug each other a lot, often with no reason, but it looks good for the cameras, right? It makes me want to puke thinking about Lou getting his jollies off watching us. But, back to more pleasant things. Big hug for JC, complete with back rubbing and I plan to hold him as long as I can. I must work out what I can say so it’s not weird. Then I can hug him tightly as long as I’m talking to him.

_Make me wanna do some things_

Mmmm, JC make me wanna do some things. I can’t help smiling as I push a little deeper into my seat while I think of all the things we could do together.

_Babe, I've been dyin' to tell ya something_

Yes, I have been dying to tell him. And I will. I have decided. It’s time. It’s now or never. It’s do or die. It’s, man, how many stupid cliches can I come up with? Anyway, yes, I must tell him. I must know. I won’t expect anything. He’s my friend and has been for so many years. He’ll be flattered. I know him, and I know he will be flattered when I tell him.

_it's such a tasty way_  
_For you to get a taste of me  
Silky like a Milky Way_

Yes! Yes! Yes! Every time I hear that I imagine him giving me a blow job. Shit, I’m hard now! Maybe I will tell him, then offer to give him a blow job. I can show him what I’ve learned. Then I will ask if there’s anything he thinks he can teach me. Yes, that could definitely lead to something.

_Come into my room_  
_Let's break all the rules_  
_Who knows what we'll do_  
_Anything is possible_

Ah, fuck, JC. Fuck me, JC. What would he think if I said that to him? 

‘Hey JC, I love you, come fuck me.’

I have to come up with a better approach than that.

_Cause you’re something special_

I wonder if he has any idea of just how very special he truly is?

If You Were My Girl

_come on, get up on me_

That would certainly be my pleasure!

_Grab on to me and you'll get a dose, strap on and don't get down_

There’s nothing more that I’d love to get, than a good dose of JC. Oh yes, baby, the things you do to me.

_We'll keep on rockin' the microphone, coming all over tomorrow_

Maybe that will be the theme for our reunion? Would I embarrass JC if I suggested that to the other guys? I just want to rock with JC and keep coming and coming and coming.

_Baby, I want you, I need you, to feel you  
I would love you all night strong_

_Tell me that you want me, to please you, cause I need to_

Speechless. That is nothing but the truth there. God, how I wish he’d written some of these lines while he was thinking of me.

Shake It

_This electricity It's too much for me  
The way you shake my bones_

I know that is exactly how sex would be between us. So much electricity. We would never want to be apart!

_Do you know_  
_I want a spark of your touch  
I wanna taste you so much_

I’ve dreamed of the taste of his skin, his lips, him. I want to taste him so much. First on the lips, then licking him all over, and finally, I’d give him the best blow job of his life! I swear, every time I’ve blown a guy, I was thinking of JC. I learned how to give them, hoping one day I could give one to JC. And I wanted it to be the best. I have practiced for so many years, I know it would blow him away, so the speak.

_Shake it (shake it), do it (do it), give me what you got_

That line always reminds me of JC dancing. I can see him shaking his little ass and his firm body. I remember his moves, how flexible and pliant he is. I remember how hard his cock can get on stage, because dancing turns him on. I remember not being able to take my eyes off that bulge in his pants until Justin smacked me in the back of the head. How I managed to perform on stage with JC all those years without ever actually drooling is beyond me. God, I remember racing off the stage behind him and wanting so much to press him up against a wall and kiss him, blow him, fuck him. After the show, he was always hot and sweaty and panting, just like he’d just had the most awesome sex. I always wanted to be close to him then.

All Day Long I Dream About Sex

The first time I heard the title, I thought he’d read my mind. Can you imagine? I mean, did he really know that during the last tour, all I did was dream about having sex with him?

_All day long I dream about se_  
_And all night long I think about sex  
And all the time I think about sex with you, with you_

That once described me to a T. I had to have a lot of projects going on at once just to keep my mind off of him, off of what Justin told me could never be.

_Keep in mind, I'm a love machine  
Get it twenty four seven, call me any time you need_

Fuck, JC, did you have to tell the world? 

_School's back in session, get ready for a lesson_

That’s what I’m hoping for. Teach me, baby, teach me! Teach me, tell me, show me, it’s all good.

_Hour after hour baby  
All night long with you_

Thinking about that is definitely one of my happy places!

One Night Stand

The initial jolt sends a shiver through me, because I know he’s had a lot of one night stands. Sometimes the guys would talk about their one nighters. I’ve seen him work the clubs and I’ve seen him take home the girls. And I have sat in clubs happy that the darkness hid the tears I tried to hold back. I used to drink a lot and I drank a lot to numb the pain of watching my beautiful, sexy JC putting the moves on some strange bimbo in a club. I would have done anything to be the one he took home at the end of the night, but Justin made me promise. On the other hand, I would have been crushed if I’d given it all to him and then it was only a one night stand. I want him so badly, but not that way. I want him forever.

_It makes me weak, baby  
Just to hear you speak, baby_

I swear, I could make my whole speech to him from his freaking lyrics. It’s like he looked into my heart and put all my feelings for him into words.

Come To Me

That could be the title of my speech to JC. I could write it all down, then ask him to my hotel room by telling him I have something private to tell him. Or I could just invite him up for a drink. And a blow job. Anyway, then I could turn on my computer and pull up my speech entitled _Come To Me_ and read it off to him, and he would laugh because I’m such an over-analyzing, super-organizing geek. No, I would print the speech out and when he starts laughing, I will toss the pages into the air, drop to my knees and suck his cock until he moans for more!

_traveling through galaxies_

He is such a freak. How would we not make the perfect match?

_on telepathic roads_

See? I knew he was experimenting with that telepathy shit. I swear he took my feelings and worked them right into his songs. It’s like every song on the CD speaks to me. What if he always knew how I felt? What if he wanted me to make a move all those years ago? Could we have been together all these years?

_all of my desires waiting for someone to hold_

I have such desires.

_lying here pretending that you're closer than you are_

How many nights did I travel on tour with him, dreaming he was sleeping at my side? How many nights since then? Every damn one of them!

_cause when I'm all alone_  
_I imagine I am face to face  
inhaling every breath you take_

Another happy place for me. The two of us, face to face, breathing each other’s breath. So close.

Dear Goodbye

This song is so beautiful and speaks so well of the pain and sadness of a breakup. Sometimes it hurts to listen to it. What if we did hook up and tried our best to make it work, but it didn’t? I couldn’t bear the pain. And yet, I feel drawn to this song, the beauty of it’s music. Did he write this one to me, to let me know if we ever tried and it didn’t work our time together would still be beautiful? Our friendship would still be beautiful? That our friendship would still be?

_Staring out, depressed about_  
_What words I have to plead_  
_So torn apart_  
_Shattered by impressions of_  
_Confessions in defeat_  
_My broken heart_  
_Crying, desperate, fighting_  
_Questions, scared to let go_

_We used to be so beautiful_  
_But the days go by and_  
_Things get better_

_Past the point of reasons_  
_I just want you to believe_  
_That it's not your fault_

_Where did it all go wrong?_

_Exhausted of apologies  
In search of something comforting_

_Brought out the best and worst in me  
You gave your all unselfishly_

_Oh, I could never replace_  
_All the tenderest moments_  
_They will always live right here_  
_Inside me_

Yes, the days go by and things will get better. This song both frightens me and encourages me. I know if we tried, we would both put in everything we had. We know each other so well, I know we could totally commit to our relationship. It scares me that maybe, no matter how hard we’d try, that we couldn’t keep it together. I know how much we love each other as friends. We’re brothers. It would hurt to try to be lovers and have that fall apart. But it also encourages me to take the chance, knowing that we would give it everything and that, knowing how much love we share, that even if it didn’t work out, I know we would still be friends. We would still have that bond. If anything, it would make our friendship stronger. I know it would be hard to admit it if it didn’t work, but at least we would know we tried and that every day that goes by, things will get better. The pain will fade and the love and friendship will survive.

Everything you want

Everything I want is, JC, just JC. Really. Is that pathetic?

_I want the love of my life as of yesterday_

Yesterday? Hell, years ago. I’ve wanted him for so many years. Days go by and the time is wasted. It only makes me more determined not to chicken out this time. I have to tell him and just see where it leads us. I can’t waste another twenty years of lusting after him.

_Living in a fantasy world_

Am I?

Lose Myself

_But if I reached out  
Would you reach out for me_

God, if only! I imagine myself reaching out to JC and I wonder if he will take my hand, or turn and walk away. I must project a positive outcome. If I can see it, I can make it happen.

_Build up my courage, give myself a chance_

I needed that right now, because I need to build up my courage to tell him. I need to give myself, give us, this chance.

_Let's drift into forever_  
_As our boundaries melt away_  
_Thinking of you, thinking of you, thinking of you_

It could be so perfect. It will be so perfect.

_I found myself intoxicated by this drug_  
_Sent to my knees cause I'm addicted to your love_  
_All because I lose myself in you_

He is my addiction. And I would drop to my knees for loving him anytime, any day, anywhere.

_If you share with me_  
_Then I'll find you_  
_And I'll meet you there_

_Baby my life is yours  
Just open up the door_

Could it be that easy? If I tell him, will he find me? Will he meet me? Will he be there for me?

Right Here (By Your Side)

_Tell me how long_  
_Were we together, before we got together, oh..._  
_Tell me how strong_

What the hell else was he talking about, if not someone in the group? We were together for a long time. Strong together for a long time. Now it’s time we truly got together for real!

_See, I don't care what people say  
No one else has ever made me feel the way you do_

If he ever says that to me, I swear I will melt into his hands like a bag full of unwrapped Hershey Kisses! 

_And I will keep you satisfied through the night_

Oh, JC, I know you would. There is no doubt in my mind.

_See I've been watching you_  
_It's like I can read your mind_  
_You don't have to say a word, oh..._

I knew he was reading my mind! It makes me laugh, but it seems so true. I always fantasize that he was purposely writing little hints into his songs, hints for me to find, hints of his true feelings for me. What if it’s true? What if his whole CD was just to tell me he loved me and he hoped one day I would have the courage to tell him?

_Keep your thoughts right here_  
_Let go all your fears_  
_Just let em go, just let em go, oh..._

I feel I’ve let them go. It’s time, time for us.

_Pull you close to me, you feel so nice_  
_We'll stay up sipping on red red wine_  
_The red stays on your lips my baby_  
_I'll clean them off with my lips, my baby, oh..._

Note to self: Be sure to purchase bottle of red wine.

_I'll be right here by your side  
Give you all the love I've got to give_

He is so romantic. My romantic, freaky, sexy ass friend. 

And there it is. The announcement we will be landing soon. Put away all electronic devices at this time and return your tray to it’s upright and locked position. I suddenly feel drained by the flight. Emotionally drained.


	3. Part Three

When I see Joey waiting for me at the airport, I instinctively search for my beautiful Goddaughter, then I remember she’s not a little girl anymore.

“Thanks for picking me up. Good to see you, man.”

“Fucking great to see you, Lance.”

And I mean it, because it is good to see him. It’s good to feel his embrace again, even as he lifts my feet off the ground. Joey is my rock, always has been, always will be. He is my strength and I don’t want to let go.

“We need to talk.”

“What’s up? Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Are your parents okay?”

“Yes. Joey, it’s private. I don’t want to discuss it in front of the whole airport.”

Joey stood there for a moment, inspecting my head. “Is that a little swollen? Lance, it’s not like when Nsync was at the top of the charts. We’re not mobbed everywhere we go. Hell, it’s kind of nice when someone _does_ recognize me.”

“It’s, Joey, it’s just really, really private.”

“Well, okay then. If it’s really, _really_ private, we can discuss it in the car,” Joey said as he hefted my bag from the carousel. “Come on, Scoop, let’s get out of this place.”

As soon as we’re in his car, Joey stares straight out the windshield and asks, “So, what’s going on?”

“Later, Joey, let’s go home, get something to eat and go to bed. We have some long days ahead of us.”

Turning to me, Joey searches my face. “No, you brought it up, now spill it. What’s your really, really private thing you need to talk to me about? We’re not going anywhere until we talk. I’m giving you my full attention, so talk.”

“It’s about JC,” I begin.

“He’s already here, so you’re not going to tell me he changed his mind about the tour.”

“No, nothing like that.”

“You’re finally going to tell him that you’ve been lusting after his hot bod for all these years.”

“Joey!”

“What?”

“How the hell did you know that?”

“Lucky guess.”

I know it’s not though. Joey knows me so well. Maybe too well. I can’t seem to have any secrets from Joey. He just always seems to know. _Everything_. That wasn’t just a random thought that crossed his mind. If it was, he would have said Chris. And we both know the truth to that!

“What do you think?”

“About what?”

Of course I’m rolling my eyes by now, because I know damn well he knows _what_. “About me telling JC. That I love him. That I’ve loved him since before I ever met him.”

I can’t bring myself to face him for a few moments, so I stare out the side window, waiting for his answer. But there is no answer, only silence. I can tell he doesn’t approve. Tears start welling because I really want his approval. I need his approval. Finally I turn back toward him, and he’s smiling. Before I can think, he grabs me into a bear hug.

“Good for you! I’ve been waiting for you to tell him for almost as long as you have. It’s about fucking time, Bass.”

“That’s what I’m hoping for, fucking time.”

Turning the key, Joey starts the car and revs the engine. “I see you’re still a cheesy bastard, Bass.”

“Seriously, though, how long have you known?”

“Since we were on tour and Chris pointed out that you spent an awful lot of time checking out JC’s moves. Chris used to watch you watching JC.”

“Are you kidding? That’s why I thought Chris was gay for so long! I even told you that I thought Chris was gay because he was always checking me out.” I can’t help punching Joey’s shoulder, because he’s laughing so hard I’m afraid he’s going to wreck the car.

“I know, I know. I loved being on tour with you guys. You’re all such crazy fucks. Some of it was so high school, you and your supposedly secret crush on JC.”

“Does he know?”

“I don’t know. I mean, Chris told me. He told me Justin knew. I figured you’d tell me whenever you felt like it, but yeah, I’ve known for years. Before you even told me you were gay.”

“Do you think I should have told him back then?”

“It wasn’t a good time back then, Lance. We were a hot band with a fan base of teenage girls.”

“And pre-teen.”

“Exactly. And there were concerns. Concerns about the parents knowing, or even just thinking. I don’t know if the band could have survived having one gay in the group, but two? Two would have been too much. We could have lost everything.”

“It all fell apart anyway.”

“It never fell apart. It just ended.”

“On eternal hiatus.”

“Until now. Hiatus is over, dude, we are back together again!”

“Do you think I should tell him now?”

“It’s up to you, man, but I’m not sure the rest of us could take another tour with you secretly pining away.”

“I wasn’t pining.”

“Okay, obsessing.”

I love Joey so much!

“Can we stop off at a liquor store? I was thinking about buying him a bottle of red wine. For when I tell him.”


	4. Part Four

Joey tells Chris. I tell Justin. We have discussions and I learn more about what they knew and what they suspected back then. And they all encourage me now. Joey and Chris keep creating settings where JC and I will be alone for a few minutes. Not that I’m complaining. But every time we are alone together, I panic and can’t find the words. My mind just goes, you know, completely blank. All I can do is stare at him like an idiot and wish he were mine.

And they still encourage me, each in their own way:

“What’s holding you up?” Chris asks. “Stiff dick?”

“Please tell him before the tour starts. We don’t have the energy to deal with the tension anymore,” urges Justin.

“Get over yourself and tell him, you dipshit,” Joey teases.

Oh there are moments:

A glance here.

A brushing of limbs there.

The occasional random hugs that all Boy Banders have been trained to do. Spontaneous hugging. We’re like Pavlov’s dogs. There is some signal out there that can only be heard by Boy Banders and we’ve been conditioned to hug on cue. Just grab your nearest band mate and hug away.

The final practice night arrives too quickly. We’re all here and they’re all pushing me. I know JC has to have heard some things. He’s not deaf and he’s not that stupid. Even if he didn’t know before, he must know by now.

Then Joey and Chris corner me back stage. “This is it, man. You are going to tell him tonight. Either you can do it on your own, or we’re all going to Justin’s room to get drunk and play Truth Or Dare.”

“Stay here and we’ll send him to you,” Chris adds. “And for God’s sake, try to look sexy!” As he walks away, Chris shimmies and thrusts his hips.

I wait alone. I try to organize my thoughts and my words. My palms begin sweating and my heart begins racing. I don’t think I can do this, but I have to. It has to be done. It has to be said. We all know that. I listen for his footsteps, but I still don’t feel prepared when I hear them.

“Hey Lance, Joey and Chris said you were looking for me. What’s up?”

Licking my lips, I look at him. My mouth feels dry, but I know it’s time to come clean. “I love you,” I say softly. “I’ve always loved you.”

“I love you, too, man.”

“JC, I always wanted something to happen between us. The first time I heard you sing on television, I got hard. The first time I jerked off, it was to a recording of your voice and looking at your picture. The guys all knew. That’s why they kept us apart. That’s why they put us on separate busses. They were afraid we’d hook up and it would leak to the press and we’d be ruined. I thought those feelings were gone, but they’re not. I know you’ll never feel the same way and I don’t know why I’m even telling you. I just feel like my heart will burst if I keep it in anymore. I guess I just wanted you to know that I’ve always loved you.”

My legs feel stiff as I turn to walk away, but his hand on my shoulder stops me. “Lance. Lance.”

As he stands in front of me, I can’t bear to look him in the eye. I can feel tears welling and the heat of embarrassment rushing to my face. Standing my ground, I close my eyes. First, I feel his arms wrap around my body. They’re still strong and he hugs me tight, our cheeks resting against each other. When he doesn’t let go, I release the air I’ve held captive in my lungs and push my body closer to his as I return the embrace. We stand like that for several minutes and all I can think of is how I cannot start crying, so I hold back the tears. 

Then I feel his lips against mine and they’re warm and soft. Two seconds later I feel his tongue pushing into my mouth and his groin grinding against mine. He’s already hard and one of his hands rubs swiftly up and down my arm, before holding me even tighter. I want this moment to last forever. Everything I’ve ever felt for this man starts bubbling toward the surface and I cling to him, unwilling to let go.

When he breaks the kiss, I cling even harder and whimper, but he doesn’t break the embrace. Instead, he rests our cheeks together and whispers in my ear, stroking my hair with one hand.

“I’m not seeing anyone now. I can’t promise you anything, but I’m willing to try. I don’t want to hurt you though. You have to promise me that this won’t ruin the group if we try this and fail.”

“No, it won’t. I won’t let it.” I’m babbling nonsense because this is my dream about to come true and I’d give up anything, including the group, to be with him for just one night. It’s a memory I’d keep forever. “I’ve got this bottle of red wine,” I whisper in his ear, and I can _feel_ his smile as he’s holding me.

He’s kissing my ear and rocking me slowly as Chris and Joey find us. When I hear their footsteps, I tighten my hold on JC. I don’t want him to walk away. I’m so afraid it’s a dream and I’m about to wake up alone. But he doesn’t pull away. He kisses my temple as I bury my face against his neck. I know my face is red and I don’t want anyone to see me. 

“Lance and I are going to share a bus for the tour. You two will have to take the other one.”

~~~END~~~  
November 3, 2007  
© 2005, 2007 by Jacie


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